The Badassery Continues

 Alright. Day 2. Let's get on it.

Ernest Hemingway was a man who was so manly you grew more hair on your chest each time you looked him in the eyes. This author was so badass that his legend is still talked about to this day. He was a track runner, a football player and a boxer (among other things). Basically, this man was a tank. He was also an avid bullfighting fan. He saw cruel beauty in the sport. Legends also speak of him trying to punch a bull in the face. These reports have been unconfirmed, but imagine how badass that would be. That people would even speculate about this guy punching a bull in the face.

I know you’re probably thinking “Hey, he’s a writer. How bad ass can I writer be?” And with that I say “shut your fucking mouth and I’ll explain.” Hemingway served in a few wars; one of them being the first World War. He was an ambulance driver in Italy (which at the time was getting the shit kicked out of it from every direction). During his time there he was injured by mortar fired and still managed to carry a wounded Italian soldier to safety. This earned him the Italian Silver Medal of Bravery. That’s kinda cool, right? You know what makes it bad ass? He was the first American to ever receive that award. That’s right, his bravery is known of in at least two countries. How many countries know of your bravery? Exactly.

After World War I Hemingway decided to just drink and write and basically do anything he wanted for a few years. Hemingway would go on to see the combat of the Spanish War as a reporter and forming a partisan group to help liberate Paris. Dude was hardcore.

Hemingway wasn’t only a war veteran but a ladies man. In forty years he went through four wives and had three kids. Legends speak of his manliness and badassery to such a degree that Hemingway was never singly for more than 30 days. Whenever Hemingway was single he shouted to the heavens and woman literally fell on his lap, wanting him and he wanting booty. And Hemingway took what he wanted. Every. Single. Time. You don’t deny Hemingway some booty.

So let’s see. . . we’ve covered how much of a tank he was, how much of a war veteran he was and how much of a ladies man he was. Time to talk about booze and death. I say booze because it is fairly well known that for a good chunk of his life Hemingway hung out with Irish writer James Joyce (who we’ll cover later) and went on “alcoholic sprees”. This man could hold his booze with the best of them. If you have any relatives who claim to have had a conversation with Hemingway, he was probably drunk. That man could drink a battle of whiskey and feel a slight tingle in his nose. If you wanted to see this man smashed you’d have to give him a distillery and a weekend.

And as for death? First of all, Hemingway had two, that’s right, TWO obituaries. The first said that he and his wife Mary were dead. Obviously Hemingway read this and went over to the newspaper’s head quarters to correct them. Funny thing is the next day the obituaries section was full of former news paper writers and editors. For Hemingway’s second obituary, the real one. . . Well, it’s been well documented. I think Wikipedia summed it up best. “In the early morning hours of July 2, 1961, Hemingway "quite deliberately" shot himself with his favorite shotgun. He unlocked the gun cabinet, went to the front entrance of their Ketchum home, and "pushed two shells into the twelve-gauge Boss shotgun, put the end of the barrel into his mouth, pulled the trigger and blew out his brains." Originally the papers said his death was “accidental” and not a suicide. Obviously they thought that Hemingway killing himself wasn’t as badass as it seemed. But  a few years later the truth came out. Instead of people going “Man, Hemingway was a pussy for killing himself,” people realized it had to be done. Because no one could kill Ernest Hemingway. Except for Ernest Hemingway.

The Badassery Begins.

Greetings, friends. You are taking witness to the start of an ever-expanding list of icons, among them, fictional characters and real life examples, who all have one thing in common: they are badass. This blog shall chronicle them, day by day, and we will offer a comprehensive look at badassery throughout the ages. What is badassery, you ask? We'll tell you, only because you're obviously actually wondering.

Why, badassery is the measure by which a person's actions, demeanor, or very character is judged in order to be rightfully called a badass. And so, if we're going to be putting a number of badasses on display, we're going to have to establish one thing- though some may love a certain badass more than another, there can be no denial that all badasses are created equal. We will not engage in debate of who is more badass than who else (well, except if you REALLY want us to), because within their respective universes, these badasses are top gun- and if we tried to pit them against one another, there would be a nerdrage unlike the world has ever seen. So we will simply leave the exact level of badassery up for you to decide, though we will certainly play up the badass deeds these icons have achieved.

This is a list too great for one man to tackle alone, so we are a team of two-

Evan Baranowski, current college student, accomplished videogamer, comic, and movie fan. Often very selective and defensive of those who he calls badass, I'm is a large fan of Transformers and Marvel Comics, as well as an avid Nintendo fan. You probably won't see me covering a lot of badasses from Playstation or Xbox exclusive franchises... though I dabble.

And Josh Max, who can come and edit this post himself if he wants to have a little blurb about himself.
And here it is. "What Evan says goes double for me. We're also Transformers fans and pretty big into pop culture. I'm a bit more flexible than Evan on the term of 'badass' but I think everything we cover here will be accepted. And yes, that first sentence I wrote DOES insinuate that I'm a double college student. Which isn't true. So apparently I'm a liar sometimes. Just try to keep up. I promise you won't regret it."

Together, we will alternate posting daily about a badass of our choice, though I'm pretty sure we'll run out of ideas eventually. Which is why people like you, who are viewing this, should suggest badasses for us to chronicle, and we shall with flying colors... of... badassery. Look, I don't know, it's a blog about people who are awesome. I have an obligatory "badass" count that I have to fit into posts.

So without further adieu, I present the first installment of the Bad Ass Blog:

Throughout the history of fiction, there have been a number of characters. No, wait. That's a complete understatement. There have been a crapload of characters. Now, in every story of fictitious nature, you have a protagonist, antagonist, and several support characters, blah blah blah. However, once in a while, you'll be reading a book, watching a show, or playing a game, and you see someone just walk into a room and do something epic like snap a guy's neck with a piece of paper. That, my friends, is the badass. He represents everything that is awesome either by doing awesome things, saying awesome things, or just being the personification of awesome.

He's the goddamn Batman.

Need I say more?

Batman is the DC comics version of Wolverine- if you put him on the cover of something, it’s guaranteed to sell a buttload. Detective Comics featuring Batman? A million copies sold in the first day. Latest issue of the Justice League featuring Batman? Completely sold out. A Copy of A Tale of Two Cities with Batman crudely photoshopped onto the cover? That’s the best fuckin’ book you’ve ever bought. Batman is everything you’ve ever wanted to be, whether you like it or not. You’ve wanted to be a superhero? Batman does that without superpowers. You want to be a detective? Batman’s the best damn detective there is. You want to have shark-repellent?! BATMAN HAS SHARK REPELLENT.

Bruce Wayne, heir to Thomas Wayne’s fortunes, had his parents taken from him before his eyes one fateful night. After a long quest of discovery, Bruce decided to take the law into his own hands and strike fear into the hearts of those who would dare attempt the same act he was subjected to as a child. Hoping that he would truly be the embodiment of fear, Bruce donned the guise of a bat and used his money to design a suit and gear that matched. Thus, Batman was born.

Possessing some great technology, some nice bat-themed vehicles and gadgets, a little bit of gun and sword training, as well as some skills in hand-to-hand combat, Batman is a force to be reckoned with. Even though he’s used his fortune to his advantage in creating his arsenal, you need to be realistic- there’s no way some poor dude is going to become as effective as Batman in getting shit done. Batman is so cool because he solves crime, beats up villains, and says one-liners and all that other crap without even needing superpowers. How do you do that?! The dude has more conviction in what he’s doing than Jesus had in God- and that’s A LOT of conviction. Batman never gives up, and makes sure that evil gets their shit rocked on a daily basis.

It doesn’t matter what Batman you like- Adam West’s Batman, Tim Burton’s Batman, Batman from “The Animated Series”, or Batman from the comics, every Batman is special in his own Bat-rite. Hell, Batman is the shit when he’s being campy and using his many tools from his utility belt, or when he’s viciously taking down villains in the streets of Gotham. Oh, and I guess Batman is sort of cool when he stars in those two movies that came out recently. Any and every writer who has been blessed with the opportunity to write this character has tried, without fail, to make him as awesome and complex and weird and EPIC as they possibly can- well, almost every writer. We won't mention the Widening Gyre. But aside from that, Batman is just pure badass material. Imagine him saying or doing anything and you get those flashes of that grizzled, serious voice, that cape spreading wide. It's chilling.

Another awesome thing about Batman are all the psychopaths he takes on when he’s fighting crime. I mean, the guy has some of the most screwed up villains of all time, and it doesn’t surprise me that Batman is a little bit darker because of the villains he has faced. In fact, the darkness within Batman is one of the most interesting facets of his character. Though he is a twisted man who is haunted by his past, he has vowed to never kill, even though he has come close to doing so many times.

A lot of people appreciate Batman because, in the world of DC superheroes, a lot of the superpowered peeps are almost too good and too superpowered to be true. Meanwhile, Batman is the rough, gritty and realistic hero, far more down to Earth than say, Superman, who Batman once beat the shit out of by wearing a Kryptonite ring on his finger. You gotta have a lot of balls to beat up Superman.

Do you really need much more of an explanation? He’s BATMAN. A man running around in a bat-themed costume who still manages to be a total badass. Even if you’ve never read a comic book in your life you still know who this guy is. If that’s not worth a spot on this list, I don’t know who is.

Stay tuned. It's only gonna get better from here.